Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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