He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We got so high we made milksteak
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
