If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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