yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
