If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
