there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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