ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
