She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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