I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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