I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
