Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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