Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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