You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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