Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
