I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
