yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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