I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
