Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i think im in europe. pls send help
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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