i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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