WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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