Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
