Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
