Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
