I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
