if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
