two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
