you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
