I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
