Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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