she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
