There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
