I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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