Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
