2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
