So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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