you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
