You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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