You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
