i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
