Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
