my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
