Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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