I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
