last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
