dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
