Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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