I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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