I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You ruined the universe
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
