I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
