that's an acceptable place to lick
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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