Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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