you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
