Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
