K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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