I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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