please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
