Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
two words: eviction party
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
