The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
