I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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