I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
