God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
