i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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