She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
