Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
