He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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