Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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