Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
