I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
