He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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