we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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