We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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