Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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