And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
