What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
