I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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