My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
