I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
