biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
