Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
where are my eyebrows?
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