I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
