she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
